just came back from mission trip to pekan bahru. it is my first mission trip ever. really didn't know what to expect or even think how can me, as i am, be able to bless the kids over there. as it turns out, God is always in control and this trip has been a great blessing to the kids and to me. not because of who i am but because who He is. thought i should write down a few lessons that i've learnt.

#1 everything happens for a reason: being a malaysian, i am able to speak conversational malay, which is highly similiar to bahasa, the main language of communication over there. when i first signed up, i didn't even know which country pekan bahru is in, much less actually choose there because i thought my broken malay can be put into use. but i am glad that God planned it out well and i was able to do some simple translation and spoke to the kids.

#2 God meets us where we are: as the kids are really young kids, some as young as 2 years old, they are really little and when we play games or teaching them to dance we had to kneel down so that they will be comfortable playing with us. physically stepping down to minister somebody is very easy but in life sometimes we find ourselves in the need of stepping down or up emotionally and theologically to minister the people around us and a lot of times we realize that we do not have that bandwidth and wisdom to do that. i myself am struggling with that inadequacy because i have stumbled people with my lack of wisdom. but what really comforted me was that Jesus himself did not stay high up and judge us when he could and should but he came down to live with us and die for us. He meets us where we are.

#3 you can serve and glorify God from where you are: on this trip, i just feel so blessed that there are so many godly people from different stages of life that i can emulate. there are singles, engaged, married without kids, married with kids and those married with kids even brought their kids to the mission trip. though not perfect, all of them reflect the glory of God and there is a sense of rest and peace in whichever stage in life that they are at. some of them are in full time ministry, some are not but all of them are serving in one way or another, regardless of which stage of life they are at.

this mission trip made me think, or rather re-think a lot of things that i am doing and how i am using my time.
back to the topic of the blog, its about change. i guess in some sense i am afraid of making a change or even declare that i am going to change because i am afraid that i am not going to pull it through. and sometimes i question myself whether i am using my chill and slack attitude to be passive and hide these fears. but i think its time to make a stand and submit everything onto Him

it's been a while since i last blogged but i somewhat feel compelled to pen down the thoughts that i have. yesterday a very good friend of mine happily told me that he was going to pop the big question to his girlfriend of 5 years. from the bottom of my heart i am very happy for him (they are really a very sweet and blessed couple) but at the same time i felt a tinge of disappointment in myself that i could not really put a finger to it. though i do not know his girlfriend before they got together, i was there when he shared with me how much he liked her and the excitement and concerns not knowing whether she likes him back too. fast forward 1 year (btw yes she liked him too!) it was my honor to help him to surprise his girlfriend for their one year anniversary. and now he is going to make the second most important and best decision of his life ( the top being giving his life to Jesus of course) and propose to her. they are certainly not the first couple in my circle of friends that's getting married but they are the only one that i think i witnessed right from the beginning and they are a couple that i really look up to.

i guess my disappointment came in the feeling of having not achieved anything as i really desire marriage too.

i tried and i failed.

but romans 8:28 correctly points out that everything happens for a reason that is His purpose. to be honest I've learnt and grown so much in knowing who i am and how i relate with people. more importantly i know God more and caught a glimpse of what it takes to be godly man.

as man, we are called to pursue woman. it is active and intentional. it is not passive like to attract or whatever mystery will have you believe in the game.

last year i wrote: she's on her way- and she's getting here as fast as she can.

but now although i dunno where she is i would like her to know that i am on my way- and i am getting there as fast as i can.

p/s: all the best to the bro proposing! will pray for you.

its like
u know
the toothpaste
u squeeze until cannot squeeze already
den u start rolling it
like a carpet
in hopes of squeezing more out
and after u do that
u use a pair of scissors
and cut it in half
and scrape the left over toothpaste from the walls
of the tube
yeah i am at that stage

about you.

we were in school and i saw you hanging out with your classmates, and as always, you had a big smile on your face to light up the otherwise boring school day. i wanted to talk to you to find out how are you lately and that you could share with me whatever things that you are going through and tell you how sad i was when i lost another friend of mine to an accident so we should really cherish our friendship and spend more time together.

but at that moment i was busy doing something with my friends too. and seeing that you are having a great time with your friends i thought probably we could catch up another time. maybe tomorrow.

i woke up only to realise that you've already left us for almost a year now.

miss you.

recently I read a book called "I kissed dating goodbye". Although it's title sounds like it is a anti-marriage/relationship-Christian-brain-wash book, it is actually campaigning against the idea of dating as we know it. Christians or non Christians alike I believe that most of us wants to end up in a blissful marriange and be faithful to the special someone who is as faithful and loves u as much in return. Dating, with no intention of marriage in mind, totally reduces the chance of that. Casual dating hastens the progression of intimacy, and before you know it you are doing intimate things that you would only want to do with that special someone, though you know in ur heart that he/she is not the one. and by intimacy it is not just physical relationship and having sex, the emotional aspect of intimacy that is invested with time, attention and energy is also equally important and more often than not we are giving it away cheaply as well. so the advice of the book is don't get into a relationship until you are ready to marry the person but at the mean time prepare and equip yourself to become the person your husband/wife want to be with.

Coincidentally I finished watching all 5 seasons of how i met your mother and though the portrayal of relationships in the show is as casual as it can be ( esp w Barney, but he is awesome), but there are elements of the show that echoe with the book in terms of the longing of the special someone and how Ted evolves and get ready through the events that eventually leads him to his special someone. There was one scene where Ted was inside a car w Stella and he told her how insecure and unsure whether he will meet his special someone and Stella said: "she's on her way---



and she is getting here as fast as she can."

one day xiao ming asked his dad: "daddy what is the difference between confident and confidential?"

his dad replied: "my dear, you are my son, i am confident of that. your friend xiao hua is my son too and that is confidential"

finally an ang moh odxm and one that starts with a proper one day xiao ming!n nope i din not think of this myself haha