its like
u know
the toothpaste
u squeeze until cannot squeeze already
den u start rolling it
like a carpet
in hopes of squeezing more out
and after u do that
u use a pair of scissors
and cut it in half
and scrape the left over toothpaste from the walls
of the tube
yeah i am at that stage

about you.

we were in school and i saw you hanging out with your classmates, and as always, you had a big smile on your face to light up the otherwise boring school day. i wanted to talk to you to find out how are you lately and that you could share with me whatever things that you are going through and tell you how sad i was when i lost another friend of mine to an accident so we should really cherish our friendship and spend more time together.

but at that moment i was busy doing something with my friends too. and seeing that you are having a great time with your friends i thought probably we could catch up another time. maybe tomorrow.

i woke up only to realise that you've already left us for almost a year now.

miss you.

recently I read a book called "I kissed dating goodbye". Although it's title sounds like it is a anti-marriage/relationship-Christian-brain-wash book, it is actually campaigning against the idea of dating as we know it. Christians or non Christians alike I believe that most of us wants to end up in a blissful marriange and be faithful to the special someone who is as faithful and loves u as much in return. Dating, with no intention of marriage in mind, totally reduces the chance of that. Casual dating hastens the progression of intimacy, and before you know it you are doing intimate things that you would only want to do with that special someone, though you know in ur heart that he/she is not the one. and by intimacy it is not just physical relationship and having sex, the emotional aspect of intimacy that is invested with time, attention and energy is also equally important and more often than not we are giving it away cheaply as well. so the advice of the book is don't get into a relationship until you are ready to marry the person but at the mean time prepare and equip yourself to become the person your husband/wife want to be with.

Coincidentally I finished watching all 5 seasons of how i met your mother and though the portrayal of relationships in the show is as casual as it can be ( esp w Barney, but he is awesome), but there are elements of the show that echoe with the book in terms of the longing of the special someone and how Ted evolves and get ready through the events that eventually leads him to his special someone. There was one scene where Ted was inside a car w Stella and he told her how insecure and unsure whether he will meet his special someone and Stella said: "she's on her way---



and she is getting here as fast as she can."

one day xiao ming asked his dad: "daddy what is the difference between confident and confidential?"

his dad replied: "my dear, you are my son, i am confident of that. your friend xiao hua is my son too and that is confidential"

finally an ang moh odxm and one that starts with a proper one day xiao ming!n nope i din not think of this myself haha

when i was back in california i would dream of myself coming back to sg meeting up w friends and family...or if i cannot fall asleep i would close my eyes and imagine that i am actually on my hall bed or my bed at home...

funny how just now i was closing my eyes and imagining that i was on my queen-sized bed in milpitas or on the upper bunk of the double decker bed of NOHO hostel in LA...

guess u just want to be in places where u cant be huh.

anw this is stuck in my head:



i'll be fine.

du2010 made me very happy and sad.

happy because:


the elements of the dance from concept, music, choreography and down to costume are all my favourites. i felt that i've achieved something w the item not because we've won any prize or anything but because the item was able to articulate to a certain extent (still got alot of zai ppl out there that i look up to!) what my ideals are in dance.

by my standards i actually think i've put in alot of effort in the item. On top of spending time on choreography (which means watching youtube btw), i even picked up adobe after effects to do the projector video. but i think all these effort are well worth it because the best part of the whole process was that i was able to share this w 16 other people in my item. when they said that they really enjoyed the dance and can feel it...it is as though they could feel what i am feeling just by doing the piece. they've worked hard and improved tremendously in 3 months and i am really proud of our performance. icing to the cake is that many ppl in the audience liked the dance too so yay

of course other than my item there are lots of gd stuff that happened w this DU: opportunity to be in wj dismas alvan's partay in the USA , watch dismas n chun's a moment to rmb, meet new friends/ catch up w old friends, take pictures, excuse to emo n drink, etc.

Sad because: all my 'happy' reasons + the fact that this is my last DU = sad. it's like you are just about to start something but it have to end already. the thought about having no more stage to perform is quite disturbing for any dancer i guess. feels like you've spent so much effort and time to hone your craft but suddenly there's no reason to improve anymore.

to kriss and dismas: u 2 are the power hse of krdance laa u all like how zai can! pls still got 1 yr make sure u all make full use of the year and impart all ur zai skills to the juniors can! (hint tech class hint DU/DP choreo!)

to current year 3s (goin yr 4s): step up! choreo more dance more watch youtube more. cherish all the time u have in the dance room! look how far you've come since year 1 don't let all those effort go to waste ok!

to dancers in OTL: alot of u r freshies n only did this item for this DU it's my honor that you chose OTL but i really hope u all will join more next year! feel really happy and excited for your krdance journey!

i know some of you maybe sad (or so i thought) that the fyfs are leaving/abandoning you guys but in many of ways, we are leaving a part of ourselves behind too.

when introduced to new friends, it's very natural for us to say "i'm a dancer" or "i dance" when asked for our interest. it will not be the same the next time i hear this question. i will hesitate. maybe it's time to examine what's left if the identity as a dancer is gone.

all said, i am really glad that i did this DU and even if i stop dancing from now on i would be able to look back and think of it as a nice full stop for my life as a dancer. however, i really want this to be comma instead of a full stop, a short respite in preparation of greater things to come.

BONUS!
pls watch all the way to the end! the last part is the bestttt for both

the last part sent chills down my spines the first time i watched it. now it still does.

same guy. shaun evaristoo is sooo dope.

here's one for the FYFs




qn 1: why are u so free?
ans: because i am FYF

qn 2: why are u not studying for exams?
ans: because i am FYF

qn 2: why u so emo write thankew speech in the previous post?
ans: because i am FYF

qn 4: what did the cat say to the puddle of water?
ans: because i am FY...erm no the cat said "meow".

qn 5: why was command so epic?
ans: because we are the FYFs

who should win the walk-off? you decide! vote on my tag boaard!

p/s: to ct and mo-xis: all in the name of fun la...dun angry kaayyy...

look around you. think about your good friends. do you think they became your good friends because you all could get along well and your characters can "click"?

the truth is that more often than not your good friends are the people that you spend the most time with (as opposed to the common belief that you all became good friends thats why you all spend a lot of time together). it has little to do w character (of course if u totally abhor the person den no choice). simple test if u r in hall: u will find that most of your good friends are from your floor/ same activity that you join. (disclaimer: this theory only applies to "good friends" but not "BFFs/ BFFEs" between girls that i have trouble understanding)

this observation is something that i am afraid of after doing command and my last DU. As people move out of hall, it will be very hard for us to meet up and hang out.and all these friendships will just slowly fade into background as your new life gets filled w new people and new tasks. maintaining these relationships will require so much effort that i am worried that i myself would not be able keep up. the worst thing that could happen is not that friends grow hatred for each other but rather friends just slowly start to forget about each other and the memories they share together.




to moses, ycl-aymore and kane: thanks for all the suppers and mw2 sessions. you guys are the simplest and nicest guys i know. and by simple i don't mean u guys are innocent or stupid but rather u guys choose to be simple and true to yourself in this complicated world and i respect you guys for that. kane although u like to nit ppl i am glad that i get to know u much bttr in uni. gaylouz forever! ycl and moses thanks for being brothers in Christ and supporting me in my walk. moses and gracy tian chang di jiu pls and ycl we compete who gets attached first ok? oh and shout out to bear bear too: thanks for being such good friends in MSE. without bear bear, moses n kane i would have missed a ton of deadlines and failed like 100 MCs worth of modules.

to alexis and chunting: thanks for hanging out w me when i've got no friends in hall after coming back for noc. suddenly i transform from a loser w no friends to always having 2 hot girls arnd. NAISEee. ahah no la it is really fun to talk w u all/ see u all talk to each other (yuan lai guo ran zhen de yao umm u so bad). glad to know u guys even bttr during this sem. ooh and what i've nv tell u all before is that u all zhen de improve 91195211 times during the yr i was away. i was super impressed when i first saw u all dance after coming back! UPGRED! of course thanks for doing my item and i am very happy and honoured to share the stage w u all once again. will miss all the suppers we had after dance pracs.

to the lao langs in 8gz and 8gz manager (CC, step, aili & waterboi): thanks for always coming up w meet ups and gatherings and always jioin me to each and everyone of them. it's a pity that i din get to know u guys super well when u all were still in hall but i am very happy that thru all these meet ups i get to know u all much better! this is one group of friends that i know will stick together. 8gz forever!

to dancers who have left hall prematurely (bixies and melly)(sry i cant find a better name for this group of people hahaaaa): really enjoyed hanging out and dancing w u guys (dance comm and partner!) when u guys were still in hall. i am really glad that we are still in contact though it is really hard for us to meet up (*ahem* mel). Glad to see you guys during command! must keep in touch!

to 3rd floorers 07/08 (luah, dy, arthur, tim, zhiping, nicky): ystd during block command i keep wondering how would it be like to command w u guys. Not to discount the block or anithing but honestly the best time i had in block was w u guys. i will rmb all the random rooftop sessions, CS sessions and chiong sessions. family...family thats what...

to NOC peeps (milpitas household esp.): it has been a great journey w all of u. dunno abt u guys but i damn gian to go back to california. ANYWAY really glad to share so much good times w each of u and i know many of u are working on the next big thing and i am sure u all will be very successful. haha nxt time u all get featured in times or newsweek or techcrunch i can tell other people "actually he not that seh one he last time my housemate..." hahahaha

to all gaylouz: sorry for not being a very good friend to all of u but i will try my best to make it up. we have known each other for so long and been through so many things. we are more like brothers than friends. if there is anything that i can help/ share the burden pls let me know. more meet ups pls and cherish our time together...



we must try our best to maintain our friendships ok! i know i am not the friendliest of ppl so help me out! finally a big thank you for being my friend thru all these years.

The opposite of love is not hate,
it's indifference.

q:一个团体有多少个人?
a:20.because 团体=twenty.

its ok if you dun get it it is very cheena.HAHA

ah actually wanted to blog abt this quite long ago. but was too occupied w DU. anw this is for the biters:

q: what did will.i.am of black eyed peas say after going to the dentist's?
a: "i've got a filling (feelin~)"

eh i think myself one and i think quite funny

i actually learnt the exact same choreo to this song from shaun evaristo himself back in december in LA! he is a master at his craft but i am pleasantly surprised by how humble and down to earth a person he is. definitely my ouxiang in terms of his dance style and his attitude towards learning and dance. he is such an inspiration i am so glad that i took his class. i seriously think humble + zai is the sickiest combination! (btw the girl in the vid is aimee lucas and she is shaun's gf! perfect couple!)