just came back from mission trip to pekan bahru. it is my first mission trip ever. really didn't know what to expect or even think how can me, as i am, be able to bless the kids over there. as it turns out, God is always in control and this trip has been a great blessing to the kids and to me. not because of who i am but because who He is. thought i should write down a few lessons that i've learnt.

#1 everything happens for a reason: being a malaysian, i am able to speak conversational malay, which is highly similiar to bahasa, the main language of communication over there. when i first signed up, i didn't even know which country pekan bahru is in, much less actually choose there because i thought my broken malay can be put into use. but i am glad that God planned it out well and i was able to do some simple translation and spoke to the kids.

#2 God meets us where we are: as the kids are really young kids, some as young as 2 years old, they are really little and when we play games or teaching them to dance we had to kneel down so that they will be comfortable playing with us. physically stepping down to minister somebody is very easy but in life sometimes we find ourselves in the need of stepping down or up emotionally and theologically to minister the people around us and a lot of times we realize that we do not have that bandwidth and wisdom to do that. i myself am struggling with that inadequacy because i have stumbled people with my lack of wisdom. but what really comforted me was that Jesus himself did not stay high up and judge us when he could and should but he came down to live with us and die for us. He meets us where we are.

#3 you can serve and glorify God from where you are: on this trip, i just feel so blessed that there are so many godly people from different stages of life that i can emulate. there are singles, engaged, married without kids, married with kids and those married with kids even brought their kids to the mission trip. though not perfect, all of them reflect the glory of God and there is a sense of rest and peace in whichever stage in life that they are at. some of them are in full time ministry, some are not but all of them are serving in one way or another, regardless of which stage of life they are at.

this mission trip made me think, or rather re-think a lot of things that i am doing and how i am using my time.
back to the topic of the blog, its about change. i guess in some sense i am afraid of making a change or even declare that i am going to change because i am afraid that i am not going to pull it through. and sometimes i question myself whether i am using my chill and slack attitude to be passive and hide these fears. but i think its time to make a stand and submit everything onto Him

it's been a while since i last blogged but i somewhat feel compelled to pen down the thoughts that i have. yesterday a very good friend of mine happily told me that he was going to pop the big question to his girlfriend of 5 years. from the bottom of my heart i am very happy for him (they are really a very sweet and blessed couple) but at the same time i felt a tinge of disappointment in myself that i could not really put a finger to it. though i do not know his girlfriend before they got together, i was there when he shared with me how much he liked her and the excitement and concerns not knowing whether she likes him back too. fast forward 1 year (btw yes she liked him too!) it was my honor to help him to surprise his girlfriend for their one year anniversary. and now he is going to make the second most important and best decision of his life ( the top being giving his life to Jesus of course) and propose to her. they are certainly not the first couple in my circle of friends that's getting married but they are the only one that i think i witnessed right from the beginning and they are a couple that i really look up to.

i guess my disappointment came in the feeling of having not achieved anything as i really desire marriage too.

i tried and i failed.

but romans 8:28 correctly points out that everything happens for a reason that is His purpose. to be honest I've learnt and grown so much in knowing who i am and how i relate with people. more importantly i know God more and caught a glimpse of what it takes to be godly man.

as man, we are called to pursue woman. it is active and intentional. it is not passive like to attract or whatever mystery will have you believe in the game.

last year i wrote: she's on her way- and she's getting here as fast as she can.

but now although i dunno where she is i would like her to know that i am on my way- and i am getting there as fast as i can.

p/s: all the best to the bro proposing! will pray for you.